SPARROW UNIT UNLEASHED IN UNITED STATES!

Washington – AP (Ameliorated Panhandlers) President Bush is attacked by a sparrow for more:

The animal kingdom expressed their displeasure of President Bush today by pooping on him during a news conference. A lone sparrow, possibly sent by Al Queada, made a daring daylight attack on President Bush while the liberal media did nothing to prevent the attack.

Former Republican leader Tom Delay was overheard to say, "that wouldn't have happened if the Republicans ( CORRECTION Democrats - ed.) were in charge."

Neocon activists throughout the country have been everywhere online one upping each other on how they would have handled the situation. One poster on the website Iammoreneoconthanyou stated, "I would have jumped and taken the poop so the dear leader didn't have to brush it off." Some questioned where was Nancy Pelosi was, what did she know and when did she know it.

The sparrows have now been listed as a terrorist organization. (link)

The Evil Sparrow Hits Bush

Just in:

In addition, the sparrow was caught by the brave men of the security forces. Our insider said the bird is “no bird brain at all” when pressed for answers it reportedly replied “Coo! Coo!” AP defense analyst intimated that it might be a coded message and all transmission of it should be suppressed at the moment.

Ameliorated Panhandlers reporter --------- contributed to this report from --------

DONDE ESTA SISTER ANGELA?

It seems Hanataka-san’s letter attracted many pure-hearted souls (including some priests) willing to help the nun even though the sister has no problem. Because of this development I became an instrument in the reuniting of two buddies. Here are the letters:

Dear Researcher,

Hola!

I’m Padre Salvi (name withheld to protect his privacy) and I’m presently a rector in a church somewhere in Nagasaki, Japan. I can’t help but notice the plight of the poor nun named Sister Angela and the teenage Japanese boxer. I am willing to help her for she belongs to my flock. If it isn’t too much I would like to know which convent and what town is she staying in Japan. I would be helpful in assisting the nun find her true calling since I have EXPERIENCE in handling cloister affairs – being head of several ones during my stay in Filipinas. I’m Español by the way but I consider myself Filipino (Peninsulares if you don’t mind).

My personal info and other relevant data that you might need are in the attachment (including my Friendster account – add me up @ ilovemynuns@yahoo.com). Por favor, inform me ASAP as I do not want to move to Afr….er… as there are still many Japanese souls need saving.

Muchas Gracias Mi Amigo,

Padre ------ Salvi

P.S.

Sister Angela is still in her 20s right?

Dear Padre ------ Salvi,

Hola Padre con Margarita con carne! Dios Mio (I wonder how many conjugations are left in my vocabulary)! Peninsulares? Saludos a Todos Hudas, Barabas, Hestas!

Joyful, joyful day! Alleluia! Hanataka-san is God-send! Thanks to him I received a letter from you. You are Padre ------ Salvi, no kidding? Una vez Padre, let me explain my joyous mood. Earlier, I got an e-mail from a certain Padre ------ Damaso who is also interested in helping the nun and he said just in case you’d email me I must inform him. I asked him why is he so sure? He said nothing brings you out of the wood work than a DISTRESSED sister. Padre Damaso apparently has been looking for you for years – something about his daughter that he wants to talk to you. He is waiting for you DOWN UNDER (not Australia).

As per instruction (“Feel free to provide my email add and address in Japan to other D-------- brothers.”), I gave it to Padre Damaso, himself a D--------. He also gave me his unequivocal instruction to provide you his e-mail address which is seeyouinhellsalvi@kittymail.com or his multiply account Damasotra.multiply.com. Have a happy reunion.

Hasta la vista! Victoria siempre…

Researcher

P.S.

Please let Padre Damaso’s mail cool a bit first for I almost got burned when I first handled it. One gallon of water is enough to cool it off.

Disclaimer: This work is fiction. It doesn't pertain to real persons or events if it does it are purely coincidence and call the police.